5 Reasons why Adventure Time is the Creepiest Anything Ever
By Jon Nielsen on February 4th, 2013
I wouldn’t describe Adventure Time as a kids show. Like the original Looney Tunes cartoons, Ren and Stimpy, and Animaniacs, I believe it’s made for and by adults, but is accessible enough to be enjoyed by just about anyone. Except these scenes. There are few things in this world that are wholly and truly frightening. Few things that chill you to the absolute core of your very being. Here’s five from the scariest show on TV.
#5. “The Door To Hogwarts”
Season 1 Episode 11 Wizard
We start this episode with an innocent discussion about consuming the hearts of demons. No big deal. I mean, you haven’t tried one, have you? Maybe they’re delicious. You don’t know. Besides, it’s not like they’re having a full-on four course meal of demon hearts, they’re just talking about them and how tasty they may or may not be. As one does. Anyway, our heros’ perfectly rational and legitimate conversation is interrupted by a door made out of eyes and horns being conjured by a skeleton in a robe. Okay, so that’s ramping up the creep factor quite a bit.
There’s no way you were prepared for that door to appear. Sure, maybe the scary skeleton had you a bit on edge. Maybe you were still realing a bit from the brief demon heart conversation, but there is absoulutely no way that you could have expected to have so suddenly been shown the scariest door you have ever seen.
This door, of course, contains the promise of free magick lessons. So, basically, instead of riding a majestic train across the beautiful countryside in order to get to Hogwarts, you have to go through a door that could easily be mistaken for the entrance to Satan’s murder room.
This is just the first minute or so of the episode, and already the creep factor is set fairly high. Does it progressively get creepier from here? Well, sort of, but in a different way. After learning how to turn his arm into a sword and how to shoot a mayonnaise-like substance from his fingertips, our hero Finn is tricked into a life of eternal servitude. By tadpoles living inside of a frog’s throat. Strange, sure, but only borderline creepy. However, we are also treated to the image of an elderly man willfully climbing into an open coffin which is most assuredly about to be buried in the hole beside it. A man who has spent uncountable years hanging from a ceiling shooting magic into a ball, climbing into his own grave.
Eh, I’m done.
#4. “Brilliantly White Teeth”
Season 3 Episode 14 Beautopia
Susan Strong is a character who, despite having strong in her name, is terrified of all things always. In her second appearance, she comes to Finn and Jake to enlist their help in taking back her old home from the lub glubs. The only thing we know about the lub glubs is that they are frightening to a person that is scared of grass. When we eventually discover that the “monsters” that invaded Susan’s home turn out to be nothing but pool toys, we’re not surprised in the least. Hell, even I’m a little spooked by those things. Always FLOATING, and WATCHING.
But nope! Turns out the pool toys were actually housing horrible shadow goo monsters! Even better, if twisting an innocent children’s toy into an abode of pure darkness wasn’t enough, these monsters only other real defining feature is their teeth. Their torn, shredded pool toy bodies, and their teeth.
Nothing is scarier than perfect, brilliantly white teeth.
But it gets EVEN BETTER! When Jake tries to vanquish the demons by lighting the beacon in the center of town, he’s stopped by a towering almagamation of mishmashed shadow monstrosities that can only be described as having a “greedy” amount of teeth.
Do you really need to have that many?
#3. “Fruit Harpies”
Season 3 Episode 25 Dad’s Dungeon
This episode starts with Finn and Jake learning that their dad is dead. Well, that’s a depressing way to get the ball rolling. Everyone dies, kids! As a final gift to his not-in-the-least-bit-phased children, he tells Finn and Jake about a dungeon that he made for them. If they can get to the end of the dungeon, they’ll get a sweet sword made out of demon blood. Finn and Jake respond in a way that just about any son would. “Dad’s dead? Okay, sure, but what’d he leave me?”
Here’s one of the challenges they face (starting at 6:13):
Okay. Well. You saw what I saw, right? I don’t really know what else to say. I mean, I could try to describe it to you, I guess. But man.
Man oh man.
So, these fruit harpies spend their time waiting for unsuspecting adventurers to come and partake of their “banquet”. Whoever they manage to seduce into eating the fruit is instantly transformed into a giant apple made of bones and vines. This oversized fruit is then ripped apart and ravenously consumed by the fruit harpies, who have gone into a frenzy and grown an extra mouth on the top of their heads. For eating. Their other mouth, which is placed in the traditional location, mostly just howls and screams. The harpies don’t even seem to care who or what the death apple used to be, even if it was their harpie sister. It still tastes just as good.
#2. “Murder Sandwich”
Season 4 Episode 2 Five Short Graybles
Here’s one from the fourth season. Princess Bubblegum murders a living, sentient squid creature in order to make a sandwich. Straight up turns it into a sandwich. To eat. Sure, people eat animals, that’s a thing that happens.
Adorable AND delicious.
In fact, the inhabitants of this world have a history of being eaten. Meat Man, a man who is presumably made of meat, has on at least one occasion provided the meat for Finn and Jake’s sandwiches. The difference between these tasty lunches and Bubblegum’s murder sandwich is that Meat Man was not destroyed in the process. His consciousness was not obliterated from this plane of existence in order to produce a meal. He is free to continue pursuing his aspirations, or whatever it is that a man made out of meat does to pass the time.
How many sentient creatures has Princess Bubblegum snuffed out in her unholy quest for the perfect sandwich? How many creatures had their hopes and dreams crushed in an instant as they were transformed into a tomato?
#1. “Double Stabbed by a Rabbit Boy”
Season 2 Episode 1 The Nightosphere
Before you watch the scene, allow me to describe it to you: in the midst of reconciling with his vampire daughter, a giant, deathless demon of immense power (later revealed to be the forever-king of the Nightosphere, a hellish nightmare realm) is suddenly double-stabbed by a small boy dressed like a rabbit wielding two swords. The swords cut open the demon’s excessive amount of transparent stomachs, freeing the countless innocent souls that were trapped within. The rabbit boy then draws a magical rune under the demon’s feet as it howls in pain and is banished back to its own dimension.
Now, watch the video. After you’re done, watch it AGAIN, but this time, imagine that this is your first exposure to Adventure Time. Take everything out of context. You have no idea who these characters are, what’s happening, or why. All you know is that you have just seen the scariest and creepiest thing ever created by mortal hands.
This is what happened to me, and now you all share my pain.